Haven’t posted or blogged here in a while. My secret life took a hiatus for a few months and I feel like I should get back to this blog and my tumblr bdsm community for inspiration and further learning.
In the months away I did start dating but didn’t go out there looking particularly to find someone who had the same or complimentary kinks as I do. I was lucky enough to bag the sweetest smart boy ever and turns out he’s very kinky (Bonus!!).
What I did learn though is how much I prefer a trusting romantic relationship over one joined through just bdsm and friendship (with trust, of course, cannot emphasize that enough). I wouldn’t trade my early experiences for the world as it had greatly prepared me for the now but the emotional fulfillment I find in my current relationship is a more profound bliss than from my former.
I am not saying this to try to convince anyone of looking for this particular type of relationship. I got it by accident. BDSM is first and foremost about communication and trust, whether you choose to have it in a romantic, platonic or whatever relationship is up to you.
Anyway, a recent bedroom session that went amazingly well caused me to dig up my dusty books on the lifestyle and research certain things. It continues to amaze me how complex people are in sexuality. There really is so much to learn and so much to try. It is a constant process of learning and self-discovery.
I thought I knew the basics well but then there were things I still didn’t have down. It is very important to stay informed about safety and to communicate at all times. A lot of people come to me for advice because they’re curious or recently had a partner that introduced them into it. I try as much as possible to place emphasis on the trust aspect which needs to be developed properly. Communication and consent come as important seconds. Aftercare is the third and should always be included. After every session there should be a form of comfort given or received whether it is just to touch base on the emotional, physical or mental state of a person. In my current relationship, I try to gauge how my partner feels afterwards, some people might feel guilt over giving someone discipline or being sadistic despite the sexual excitement they feel in the act.
No relationship is ever the same and with it comes two (or more) unique individuals who have different manners of communication and needs. The goal is to establish a relationship of trust, open communication and acceptance of the other. There are other things I may lack in this post right now but those are my essentials. If you feel safe with someone (gut feeling and all) then trust that.
We are all works in progress.